Sandwich Review in NYC #15 (Mile End Deli)
Mile End Deli is in my own hood but for some reason I did not visit until having their breakfast sandwich recommended to me on Reddit. Place must be run by a proud Canadian--decor includes Montreal Habs photos, Molson beer bottles, and there's poutine on the menu. You know--the breakfast sandwich (aka the B.E.C. baconeggandcheese) is probably the sandwich I've eaten the most in my entire 14 years in NYC but this is the first one I sought out to review.
It's the "smoked meat, egg, and cheese" on their menu... which features brisket, egg, cheese, and onions on a onion roll.
Elite version of the breakfast sandwich. Paired well with hot sauce. Cured Jewish meats are a cheat code man. 4/4 Rating.
Now I have a bunch of thoughts to unload on trading. This is my worst trading day in... I don't know how long? I'm currently down $24,000 having shorted QUBT in the low 14s and stopped out over 15 in the morning. Then I got upset and I decided to leave and eat the sandwich above. I didn't want to revenge trade, I didn't want to tilt, I didn't want to multiply my loss. That's another subject I have to write about--revenge trading. Sometimes it actually works... until it doesn't. It stoppped working for me for a whole year in 2023 and I can't do it anymore. The fact that the very idea of it floats in my mind enough that I have to go take a walk and eat lunch for my own good--it's scary!
I got back at 1pm EST. I was bracing myself--QUBT will be at a new low when I get back. Something horrific. Something that would test all my demons in the closet, like $9-10 in 5 clean red bars. Pete's out, now we rug pull it! <-- those are the toxic thoughts I deal with when I take a fat L. Thankfully, it does seem like these stocks didn't go anywhere. Some of them made new intraday lows but rallied back into the prior range immediately. There's no way I'm the guy covering into those quick lows with the heavy mindset I have so it doesn't bother me so much. But going back to my negative thoughts...
It's a paranoia with no rational basis but it's something that exists. It's happened before you know? I think I'm being prudent and cautious. I take a break to avoid a tilt--the shit they tell you to do in trading psychology books. "I'm doing the right thing by waving the white flag." AND THEN--IT FUCKING GOES???? Fuck you. The market truly does not care about your self-care. It goes where it goes.
Once I was trading this stock called SPRT (ticker has since changed to GREE). Total piece of shit. I thought the backside was in after a large % pullback from a steep pre-market high. I scaled in, at one point I was up 50,000 as it twisted around... but it got over morning HOD and I got out for -80,000 or something in that range. I was at max pain or what I thought was max pain, so I left. I went downstairs to play pool. Then all of a sudden, into the close... stock gets HAMMERED. What did I do while playing pool and having thought I gave up? I max account shorted on my phone. I made back the loss. THIS IS WHY REVENGE TRADING IS TOXIC. SOMETIMES IT ACTUALLY WORKS but then the rent is due LATER... and boy, do you really pay for it.
Do you ever know so much about yourself that it's like... you can see 5 minutes or 60 minutes into the future? I saw myself being very upset trading these quantum stocks before I made a single trade. Could you sense the anxiety in my pre-market post? Nothing like the MSTR trade. I was thinking they were close to ready but not quite READY yet (and that's a HUGE difference) and yet because I wrote down some thoughts, I couldn't help but take a shot. It's almost like a honor code thing--if I write down top is close, I have to put my money where my mouth is otherwise I'm just a shitty blogger who writes shit. Is it the worst loss I've had--no, not even close. But I live in my own mind and I pick away at it. Every little flaw in my execution. How goddamn SLOW I have become to get better exits on the loss side. It becomes a case of every loss can be smaller. I had already "figured out" that my position wasn't great when it went from 14.50 to 13 and then back over 14. Internally I was getting signs of strength--I was hitting bids on weakness and covering immediately because there was a surprising amount of liquidity so I didn't want to keep the shares. I was even narrating the price action to people I was trading with. At this juncture I KNEW this wasn't a position of strength. Yet what I do... do I take a defensive scratch cover and re-evaluate? No, I fucking let myself cover when the strenght is OBVIOUS with a fat fucking green candle. GOD-FUCKING-DAMNIT YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE, GET OUT WHEN YOU THINK IT'S SHIT BEFORE EVERYONE ELSE DOES. I USED TO BE GOOD AT THAT AND NOW I'M NOT.
That's the difference between losing 4k and 24k. Certain numbers are easier recover from. I'm not a mentally strong person right now. The Pete who would be down 100k then rally back to green--he died sometime in 2022. He can't afford these losses.
Even when I'm out, I have this awful habit. I check the price and it feels like the trade isn't even over yet. I can't get closure. I have to see if I'm the fucken asshole who's out at the top and sometimes that feeling is so painful, I actually let myself trade it again out of revenge. And hey--even if I'm not the dead top--if it only went up a "little more" and THEN that was the top--and I'm not short? FEELS THE SAME. So I had to fight that so I went the entire lunch without looking at my phone. I walked back to my computer without checking it. I live and die with every tick like it's a Dodgers playoff game. I wish I never traded this shit even once so I didn't "turn on" that part of my brain. Once I make that trade for the first time--THAT'S IT--I'm invested. I'm in. And when I'm out for a big red number, the next stage of the trade is "watch stock all day" to determine if I'm the Worst Person on Earth™. I'm either the worst because I got out near top or because I got back in or because I didn't get back in. Can't win--can't fucking win. The only way to win is big green number next day--and then goddamn shitty toxic cycle continues.