Needy feeling
This week I was playing pool and I was playing this made-up game called Bowlliards. You've never heard of it so I'll explain quickly--it's basically a points based billiard game that's scored like bowling. You get two ball-in-hand chances to clear ten balls (the rules I play: it's actually clearing five stripes and then five solids, so it's a harder version). A one-ball clearance is a strike. Two-ball clearance is a spare. Max score is 300, obviously.
I try not to practice this on a frequent basis--it's supposed to simulate a test of my abilities so it shouldn't feel like an every day drill. The last try I had from three weeks ago, I scored 105.
Approaching the table, I felt this tight "wanting" feeling... I want call this feeling neediness? I needed the result to validate my efforts. I wanted a high score to reflect the hard work I had been putting into my practice to develop a good stroke. I thought I had been hitting the ball real well lately too.
I ending up scoring 65. Terrible. Missed a lot of easy shots and mid-way through, I acknowledged to myself that this was simply going to be a subpar score. I could feel the labored stroke, something was off and that's usually something that cannot be repaired while the game was happening.
This isn't a good feeling... it's usually the precursor to feeling angry and blowing up with the background thought of "WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME RIGHT NOW, WHY CAN'T I FIX IT???" So I told myself the new goal isn't to redeem my awful score, it's just to grin and bear it. Acknowledge the needy feeling, that it's not being met, and just move on. Spent the next hour working just on my stroke, trying to get it to feel right again. I had another practice late at night. By the end, it felt okay again. Have to maintain composure if you want to fix things.