Brain isn't working
I don't feel like my brain has been working for the past three weeks. It's been difficult to find that quiet voice that allows me to do anything with satisfaction. First it was having to be dad 24/7 in California. Second, it was the bitcoin trade the drained me for a few days. This week, I got mother fucking food poisoning (as did my wife).
I wanted to recap this bitcoin trade. Let's just say that even though it worked out, it brought me zero satisfaction. I was up $90k when BTC sold off to 85k after the announcement of Trump's executive order announcement and then they walked the price all the way back to my entry point by the next day, which is the most aggravating thing that can happen to me. I started doubting myself. I ended up de-risking my entire MSTR short and about 55% of my bitcoin futures into Friday, with a modest profit. Sunday weakness was finally the price action I was looking for, and cumulatively, I ended up making about $80k after covering Monday's open around 79.7k. It bottomed at 76.5k that day but I was too busy with vomit and diarrhea. So we went 8000 points lower than the executive order point but I ended up making less, despite wanting to hold for more.
I fucking hate when that happens.
100% right on the trade, just couldn't stomach the volatility and my mind was kind of messed up (fatigue, sickness, low energy, self-loathing) so I made 40-45% of my potential PnL. I know it sounds like I'm making excuses--I'm just telling you that I'm a shit trader and this is why I don't trade full time anymore. I'm getting half of what I should be getting out of my wins and I get absolutely punished on impulsive losses when I freelance away from high conviction ideas.
Also. I wanted to buy SPY puts on the following week after the 2/28 hod close but I forgot to set an alarm/reminder to do it on 3/3. West coast hours and parenting. Not an excuse... just a reminder that I have the mind/experience for this, but not the spirit and determination.